As Donald Trump triumphantly passed his 50th day as the President of the United States Who Is Not Hillary Clinton, Democrat leaders secretly gathered to survey the smoking wreckage of a party that was supposed to dominate America for a generation and ended up only dominating it until midnight on November 8, 2016.
Chuck Schumer approached the podium to address the gathering, his voice a bit hoarse from his recent phone call “thanking” Harry Reid for the Reid Rule.
“We need to be honest,” said Schumer, to widespread laughter. “No, no, I mean with ourselves. Come on, get real – what did you think I was saying? Anyway, we need to take an honest look at the aftermath of the Obama administration and how it left the party weak and…”
“That’s racist!” said Maxine Waters.
“And Islamophobic!” Keith Ellison added.
“Yes, very true. I acknowledge my pallor and phallo privileges,” Schumer replied, placating the two chairs of the Democrat Jewish Outreach Committee. “I mean, of course Obama left our party in terrific shape. We Democrats are stronger than ever. Sure, we lost the White House, but it wasn’t because of Obama or Hillary. It was, uh … the Russians …”
“Plus racism,” said Maxine Waters.
“And Islamophobia,” Keith Ellison added.